No Shadow



I'm putting things in order
but nothing I do has any purpose.
I wish I could diagram
the two of us
on a large chart
in front of me 

the way we were 

then I could revise it,
rewrite it - 

the way we should have been.

Finally
I have stopped putting the second towel
on the rod,
stopped putting the other pillow 
on the bed.

I haven't yet stopped saying 
"our house, our car, our children,"
haven't stopped wondering 
if you think I'm doing things 
the right way.

Why did you leave?
You left because God said it was time.
Why do I cry?
I cry because I am standing here 
by myself.
                                                                   




There is no shadow to stand in -
no one to disagree with - 
no one to buy a sweater for -
and mend that sweater
and mend it again.

I used to have a job.
I don't anymore.